Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
