you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
NoShamevember. You game?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
