Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Four minutes until I can fart!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
