please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize