bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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