Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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