Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
