you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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