I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
