and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
