A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
