It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
