I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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