i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
