Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
