her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize