you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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