In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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