Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
