The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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