I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
