Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
