david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
