Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it's great music for shaving your balls
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
