She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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