So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
