Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize