She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
