And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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