Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
