history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize