Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
