dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
