Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
