How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
