I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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