i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
