I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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