Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
