Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
