Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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