dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dignity is for republicans.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
