That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize