i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
