Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
