Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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