1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
