You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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