i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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