So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
