1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
