All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
