im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
