Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my shit smells like andre
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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