god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
