I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
