Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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