so that wasnt chicken after all
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
