Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nicole vs. Life
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
