He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
