nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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