oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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