So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
