her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize