dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
