Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
