Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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