Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
