I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
