Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
