How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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