sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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