Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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