I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
