did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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