What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
