I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
