it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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