I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
