I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
