She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
