This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
