my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
