I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
