You work out of a Hotel?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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