he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
