Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
