this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize