i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
