Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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