i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
