my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
