i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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