Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Be still, my beating vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
