You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
