The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
