Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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