I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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