the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
